SECRET SEVEN HELD OVER PLAN TO ATTACK SEARS TOWER
FBI agents have arrested seven people in Miami in connection with a plot to graffiti attack the America's tallest building.

The arrests over the plan to rebrand 110-storey Chicago Sears Tower the "Britney Spears Tower" were "part of an ongoing investigation into white trash," the FBI said.

A source told Mr Damian that the terrorists were "properly foreign" as they wqere known to be planning to use "obscene amounts" of Britney's latest perfume - "Curious" - to overpower the Tower's guards.

"They had a finely developed sense of irony which undoutably means they're not from these shores," the Man in Black told us.

ANGRY BUSH DEFENDS US' ROLE ON THE INTERNATIONAL STAGE
President George W Bush has told Europeans at the conclusion of an EU-US summit that it is "absurd" to regard the United States as the greatest threat to world peace.

"Lex Luther is the greatest threat to world peace," he said shaking his head in disbelief, "everyone knows that."

KENNEDY TO RETURN AS LIB DEM LEADER?
This article incorrectly appeared in the American News section of some earlier editions.

Mr Damian would like to point out to readers that the long deceased President Kennedy in fact has no intention of running the UK's third largest political party and that both JFk and his political agent felt that such a move woudl be "little more than political suicide."

BILLIONAIRE WARREN BUFFETT TO 'GIVE HIS FORTUNE AWAY'
The world's second richest man - who's now worth $44 billion - told Fortunate magazine that he will start giving away 85% of his wealth in July of this year. The main benefactor is understood to be the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Buffett's moves have been welcomed by many, but his favourite niece, Little Miss Muffett is said to be inconsolable, simply "sitting on her tuffett, eating her curds and whey," according to her hot Filipino maid.

Posted by damian at June 25, 2006 10:43 PM